HP Ink To The Rescue ... No, Really!

Thu. Jan 18. 2024.

It was on CNBC Television Squawk Box. That HP CEO Enrique Lores said, "We've seen that you can embed viruses in (third-party ink) cartridges. Through the cartridge, (the virus can) go to the printer, (and) from the printer, go to the network."

As scary as it was graphic, huh?

As you must've guessed, his statement has gone "viral".

Never mind if a handful of cybersecurity experts sounded cynical. What do they know?

Every day, we learn someth-ink new.

Turns out it was for our own safety after all. That HP had updated its firmware in 2022 and 2023. Blocking their printers from working if they detected a non-HP cartridge chip.

And we had no ink-ling!

Silly of us to have thought all along that this was only a ploy. To stop naughty consumers from saving money. By using third-party ink.

Never mind if HP's now facing its fifth anti-monopoly class action lawsuit. Against this famous "Dynamic Security System".

No wonder HP calls its all-in-one printer series HP "Envy". For a reason!

And now for a few Frequently Asked Questions. Not in the manual. Yet.

[Disclaimer: Only four of the puns below are mine. The rest are from all over the web. I've only applied them to this context.]

Q. How did this interview become the talk of the town?

A. Every one's been "spreading" the news.

Q. Did Enrique say anything unusual?

A. He just redefined the phrase "Printer's Devil".

Q. Why weren't these third-party ink producers available for comment?

A. They all "ran-somware".

Q. Had they left any out-of-office autoreply?

A. Yup! Gone "phish-ing".

Q. Why's this new virus so popular?

A. It's very "catchy".

Q. Why's this virus so difficult to identify?

A. It travels "ink-ognito".

Q. Why did you deliver my printer late?

A. We'd forgotten to update its driver.

Q. How'll I know when the virus attacks my printer?

A. It'll leave a paper trail.

Q. Can my printer infect my computer?

A. Only if you leave your "Windows" open.

Q. Why doesn't my printer pair with my smartphone?

A. It has a Bluetooth virus.

Q. Why did my original cartridge run out of ink printing "War and Peace"?

A. It's a long story.

Q. What alert will my printer give when its paper tray gets empty?

A. "Oh sheet"!

Q. How did the monks welcome their new printer?

A. "Oh Brother!"

Q. Why couldn't our Product Manager launch her new ink colour?

A. It was only a "pigment" of her imagination.

Q. Why does our Accountant keep checking the cartridge when closing books for the quarter?

A. He's afraid of red ink.

Q. What error message will my cartridge give when blue ink gets over?

A. "Cyan-ara".

Q. I've always used original ink. Religiously. What'll happen when my printer reaches end of life?

A. It'll get "Canon-ised".

Lucky me! Have always used HP Original too. Apart from having taken five COVID shots, of course. Safety first! :)

Moral of the story. Use HP ink. Save the world. One page at a time.

Until the next article! :)